I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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