dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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