Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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