I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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