I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
