i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
