You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
