if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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