Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Too much gin, very little bucket
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize