Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My cat gives me a boner
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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