i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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