i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
