My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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