I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
