I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize