When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
