How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
