Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
