By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
