Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
