Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think people are normalizing furries
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
