We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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