I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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