Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Panties = found
Randomize
