He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
