Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
