Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
