The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
