I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
