I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
