Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
