fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
