my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
