dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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