so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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