Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize