My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize