Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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