Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize