My room smells like vodka and shame
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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