You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my liver is dry heaving
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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