I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
