"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
