I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
