Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
