just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
