i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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