i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
