He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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