Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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