They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize