Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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