Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
