"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
