We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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