We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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