Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
