I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
