oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
