1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
