where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize