the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize