She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
