This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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