Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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